Notes from the simian world

Long time no post. Of course I have an excuse.

Chimps cant type(*) damnit!!!

Read on to learn more..................

Me was s'posed to have vacations this last month so decided that I needed to do something new and outrageous. So me told the good folks at home that I was busy with my project n decided for want of a better thing to do, to become an ape. For a month. And that month ended just now.

Now that was not a very sensible thing to do but some lessons are learnt the hard way. Me still havent stopped searching for my tail for one. One month wasnt enough for me to learn if my tail was prehensile or not. Should've wikied before I turned ape I guess. Btw I just learnt that as far is science is concerned man is an ape too :P But seems the split between humans and the living apes happened between 15 and 40 million years back so we are excused :D

So what did I do? I tried keeping a journal but then just realised that an ape's fingers are for grasping branches not pencils. I also took time to come to terms with my new found nudity (er identity). Hence I was generally a lot more self-aware than my more permanent ape-mates.

One more thing I didnt know was that Chimps are found only in Africa. So a chimp roaming around in India for a month is a strange sight :D Seems the only ape (apart from Homo sapiens) found in India is the Hoolock Gibbon and it is found only on dizzying tree-tops. So for a temporary chimp its terrifying to go around with these arboreal apes.

And so I decided to go it alone. Unfortunately, before I could have a life, I was caught and examined by an overenthusiastic wildlife film-maker (yeah the kind who like to sit on crocodile jaws). And so was born the Chimpanzee Genome Project. The poor loafers came up with the conclusion that a chimp was 98.5% human after analysing me (who was genetically a human). I guess 100% would have roused the bigots so they settled for 98.5. I tried to tell them I was human but those guys gave me a stupid name and told the media I had a vocabulary of 400 words.

After a month's diet of exotic fruits I was getting tired of the damn cage and decided I needed an escape. Didnt wanna transmogrify back into myself in a 3 foot cage!! And so I turned open the latch and walked out and it was reported by some stupid channel that I had grown intelligent enough to open latches.

So the conclusion is - if you are human stay human. Unless you happen to have a vacation. Boy!! I did have a little more hair on my head as a chimp :P


*This topic is currently being researched. Read this book for more details :D

Starvin in IIT: Some food for thought

Havent eaten decent grub since ive been home and thought i shud do sumthn abt it. Ergo this post!!

It seems to eat in the "winter" mess (just a couple of hostels away), u have to register at the CCW. Or so i was informed. Well im one of the lazy buggers who havent. So what does someone like me do? He could go like i did to that ex-nandhinee place (presently a s#$thole). Makes my stomach cringe, that place. Or he could have his 2-minute gooey (sorry maggi) noodles at gurunath delivered in 20 mins. Dhabba is an option at night but it sucks and my nostrils tell me sumthn has died there a week back. Of course u cud cross the great swamps at tharams and eat at the "andhra mess" (horrible grub) or risk ur life at the shady noodles shop down the road. And if ur dad owns a bank u cud order all the time and grow fat. Now u've got the picture. I guess the next time i go home (am a localite unfortunately without a vandi), im gonna eat enuff for 2 days and pack up some stuff just in case.

Every time i take a walk searchin for food, i get to take a look at that brand new monstrosity of a mess that they have aptly named "giga mess". Will be ready in time for the new year it seems. Very expensive construction and very far from most hostels. Designed like a resort in some tropical island, it will serve the same s$#t that we get in our very own hostel mess coz other caterers cant be "found". Of course, u have to walk the distance (250-1000m) to eat there. Wonder why they built the damn thing at all!!

Aaahh!! Theres bulb with those oranges he brought from home!! cya later.....

Bon Apetit!

Hows this for a SOP!!

First let me say that THIS IS NOT MY CREATION :D.
Secondly, this was supposedly written by some guy who actually got an admit in that univ!!
Thirdly, all my posts aint gonna rock like this :(



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In order for the admissions staff of our college to get to know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the following question: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby d_, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.
While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

I am sure I can show you more of my skills if I reach there.

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