Dubious Writings

Where am I?

2007-05-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

I am here. Ive decided that blogging is not serving my "purpose" (whatever that may have been). Also, I own a domain name which I wasn't using. So as a true Google fan, I've used GAFYD (Google Apps For Your Domain for the bulbers) to build some content which I could label with my Domain. Please transfer your attentions there for more.

Nilambar

Available

2006-11-13T09:35:00.000-08:00

No I am not advertising my single status (yet!). I'm writing this coz I did a simple "back-of-the-envelope" calculation that told me I was "available" (or busy n blah blah) on gTalk for about 6400 hours during the last 1 year. All this for a chat archive that I could read over dessert!

Kaun Hai Don? Let me clear your doubts ...

2006-10-26T11:39:00.000-07:00

No comparison at all

Trek and History

2006-10-16T11:43:00.000-07:00

If u read the last few lines of my last post, then u could easily figure out what we did. Me, Basu n KG downed the highest peak in K'taka :D

We visited Belur, Halebid n Shravanabelagola too.

Check this out.

Trek and History

Weekend at Coorg with Dawg

2006-08-29T11:14:00.000-07:00

Finally ive done something worth a travelogue. It has an element of everything that makes a getaway. There was Dawg of course and the bone jarring bus rides complete with an unreserved train journey and a shitty place to stay and to top it all we did climb a mountain too! Dawg managed to save some memory on the pitiful 256mb memory card on his cam to take pics for our trip, so ill fill in the gaps with them.

We spent 2.5 hrs on friday evenin, travelling 20km across Blr to reach Majestic and when we did, it took us a while to realise how stupid we were. It was a weekend and a festive weekend at that. No tickets. And the ghost train that generally leaves at midnight was filled to the brim. Some poor chap had his arm torn off trying to get on it and the last thing we saw gettin out of Blr was the ambulance carryin him n his appendage. I got my first taste of unreserved train travel.

Mysore was deserted at 4am saturday morn as we walked down to the bus-stand to catch the bus to Coorg. Dawn and sunrise! And then we checked into the shittiest place in Coorg. No hot water, wet walls, shitty toilet and the like. We then went down to the Abbey Falls. Now there are millions of these abbey falls in every nook n corner of Coorg since Abbey (or Abbi) simply means big in the Kodagu tongue. Nice place as the pic would attest

Next stop was a shack in a basement in the shape of a tourist info place. I had heard about people trekking to the highest mountain in Coorg but couldnt recollect its name. An the guy told us the name and how to get there. And quite a mouthful it was - Thadiyandamol - or Mallu for fat man's daughter. A friendly Coorgi told us it meant big mountain in Kodagu. So the Dawg n I decided we'd do the mountain the next day and so set off to the Dubare Elephant camp. Scenic. And it was here that the Dawg couldnt resist his film-making skills and made a video which made a mockery of his 256MB memory card. After that piece of art was conceived we had to ration the number of pics we could take.

Dawg and an Elephant :D

Next stop was the Tibetan monastery. One couldnt be faulted for thinking one was in Tibet! The monks were pretty flashy and so was their Golden Temple.

After a bone jarring bus ride back to Madikeri and a restless night in the dingy room we set out early morning into the Western Ghats to Nalknad Palace from where the trek was to begin. We started our climb after 9am. We could see a couple of hills in front of us and they were quite tall. Our path was taking us up one of them. Little did we realise that the mammoth Fat Man's Daughter was behind these puny hillocks. We crossed quite a few streams with water that a local Coorgi claimed was "virginal". With our supplies hardly enough we soon started gulping down bottles of true mineral water. At about 3km from the start we reached a bend that took us around the hillock and brought into sight a mammoth and we instantly realised that our task was cut out.

Thadiyandamol - The peak coming into view amidst the clouds at the top left

Trudging on, we feasted on some excellent views of the spaces around us. We could even see a microwave tower on a small hill near Madikeri. We were told that from the top we could see the sea and peep into Kerala. It took us a little more than 3 hours to get to finish the 8km climb. We spotted another group there who reached a few minutes before us.

At the top of the Ghats - The small peak to the right is actually lower than where we are sitting (1750 metres)

The valley below

We left half an hour later and followed tha path down. There was a waterfall at about a 1.5km detour from the main path that we tried to find and since we were excelling at being stupid we turned it into a wild goose chase and went the wrong way. On the way a posse of dogs nearly scared the wits out of me and only the condition of my legs prevented me from breaking into a run. We managed to find it tho while coming back up 1.5km on a 60 degree slope and it was barely another stream imaginatively named Abbey falls like many others before it. We got back on time for our night bus back to Blr and I was clutching a lemon in my pocket hoping I'd keep away the motion sickness. Its been back to work since then.

One interesting thing about Coorg is how the Mallus have colonized the damn place. They not only came there but also taught the local Coorgis and Kannadigas their own language and then use it to communicate with them. It seems Mallus pretty much make up 90% of the population there.

Our colleague says the highest peak in Karnataka is in Chikmagalur. Seems like we have another itinerary :) Until then...

A Job, a House and a new Lappy

2006-06-30T23:24:00.000-07:00

The title says it all. Thats whats happened since I last posted here. But not quite. Coz I also:

1) Cupped the most peaceful course in Civil Engg.

2) As a result of Item no.1, I screwed up my Project viva.

3) Joined work before finishing my minimum requirements for a B.Tech.

4) Took 3 days off within 2 weeks of joining (its a 5 day-week btw) to pass the course.

5) dint get my Lappy before I cleared the course (strictly a coincidence mind you!)

6) Somewhere along the way I got my first salary and set up my house. :)

7) Bet on the progress of the World Cup was leading until I lost 20 dollars along with my buddies as Argentina's hopes died at the hands of the bloody Germans! (KG almost cried!)

8) Cant forget the Guest House

and thats about it.

Will post more after we get the wireless router installed at our place :)

The Big Crunch

2006-04-03T05:41:00.000-07:00

Thats whats gonna happen soon (a few billion years). Ignoring the slight problems due increasing non-linear expansion of the Universe, all matter would become a singularity at the end of time (and space it would it seem).

But closer home, the Big Crunch happens on May 19. All deadlines, all goodbyes, all account closures, all the DC++ hubs, all the dues, all the treats, all the hours of uptime and inactivity, and in fact life itself as I (and 500 others in my batch) knew it for the last 4 years would telescope into a vortex of sorts. It all boils down to that in the end. Ignoring the real world realities of an extension, we would have to reboot.

Some develop a sense of urgency, doing all they could possibly do before it happens. Others try to reach new heights of lethargy and venture out only for dinner buffet spreads.

It seems surreal that in a few weeks I cant feast upon sassy or watch bondy drill some sense into bulb or hear the bellows from "the mouth". That I cant swear at STD or laze around in Thomas's reclining chair. That I cant enjoy the advantages of an extravagant subsidized long-term holiday at the expense of the taxpayers whose club I'll have to soon join.

It seems like yesterday that I spent my first weekend as the lone freshie in the hostel with all the seniors tryin to grab their share of me. But, everything that has a beginning has an end. I thought the cliched catch phrase of Matrix Revolutions was a joke, but reality is catching up. So much to do and so little time to do it in. Another one of those cliched catch phrases. Im on a roll now. I'm doin all I can to ruin this post!!

But someday, I'll drive down here in my Porsche!! (according to that alumni it'll take me 20 years *sigh*) Someday I'm, gonna come and see if time has stood still here or if Sangam has been replaced by another ghastly named hostel or if a resort is built on the banks of the lake. But until then I have to bid "adieu". Wouldve been a nice word to sign off with if not for last year's botched "farewell party" and video of the same name.

The Thomas IP

2006-03-24T15:13:00.000-08:00

The Thomas IP

First, IP = Internal Publicity (notices (yes, he actually put this up) put up inside campus) for those ill-used to our lingo :)

The reason I post this is not coz I wanna improve my blog ratings but coz i figured he could do with some EP (External Publicity). And since he's threatened a defamation suit if I use it to slander him, Im gonna resist making any juicy comments about "anyone" who "might" have "not-so-straight" tendencies and goes so far as to solicit the companionship of a couple of our brothers. I would invite you to leave your comments with the knowledge that Thomas would sue you (if you dont take his fancy of course). Yes, that was a disclaimer.

I have erased his email ID coz he might not wanna receive hate-mail from my readership (which has not managed to cross single digits). But if any of you are serious about saying hi to him he'll be happy to have you check him out on orkut as he has himself put it.

Thomas of course has a long history of shady IPs. He allegedly promised an all expenses paid trip (along with his goodself of course) to a sea-side resort to the guy who found his lost "blue bag" once. I dont know if anyone managed to get lucky.

Im wondering if I should charge him for this publicity but then Im using his reclining chair so I'll desist. Thank you Thomas and may God guide you in your quest for companionship :) I for one, am not placed in Pune.

To Cut A Short Story Long!! - "Broke-Back Trip"

2006-03-15T10:27:00.000-08:00

Mahabs had never been visited by Bondy
and moi hadnt been to Pondy,
So off we went in Bondy's Vandi
In search of some French eye-candy ;)

It started at 04.30am on "Holi" day, coz we werent keen on sporting colors.

we leave hostel at 5.30 am sharp.

At 5.45am, we are at GC. We had enthu but had to take a sit down break :D

Thats Bondy at his "Fairest" ( as u will see progressively he gets a tan)

Thats me wondering when ill get to Main Gate

At 6.00 am we are off from the gate. The ride was an effective hair straightener!!

By now I have lost track of time :D
This is us at Muttukadu and the Observation Point on the ECR

We go to Moonrakers in Mahabs for Breakfast. Ever seen a full body massage in the Menu Card of a Restaurant!!

Moonraker Rules!! ... Sexy breakfast ... We came back there for dinner

Soon after we are off to the monuments in Mahabs

Thats me n him on top of everything :D ... But looks like Bondy has a bee in his bonnet :P

I decided to choose the lighthouse for the "hold a monument" pic ...

... while Bondy decides to play with the Butter Ball :D

Super-huge monolithic carvings topped up with the presence of yours truly and Bondy :D

The Duo

You may be able to recognise a Jamaican drug-dealer with kids in all the Carribean isles and a good-for-nothing Cuban Socialist :D (Now dont ask which is which!!)

On the way from Mahabs to Pondy we braved super-saharan temperatures and turn of the millenium roads to go to the Alamparai Fort. Super views, awesome sights, bad camera work!!

Yes, the same Jamaican and Cuban!!

Prime Real Estate

Yes, the stereotypical "Titanic" feeling (minus the gal of course!!)

Finally we part with the Fort and reach Pondy. Hungry, tired and dehydrated. We got ripped off by the famed "Rendezvous". 500 bucks, tongues not afire.

The Rendezvous Rip-Off (Bondy aint pleased is he??)

As compensation for Rendezvous, sexy Italian ice-cream at the Rocky beach

Mad Hatter 1

Mad Hatter 2

And now the madness started. We started going in circles searching for (in no particular order):

A petrol bunk (or is it pump, dammit!!)
The Botanical Gardens
A French Bakery
Another French Bakery
An SBI ATM
The Auro Beach

Well needless to say, with my effective navigation skills and Bondy's eventual understanding of them, we made sure we ticked all the items in that list :D

This pic was at the Botanical Gardens showing our exasperation at this Queen of Sheba level business!!

Then again we went to the beach and Bondy refused to have a "topless" pic taken so mine will have to suffice (a long shot of course)

On the way back Moonrakers gave me an unbelievably big fish for 100 bucks and "rendezvous" was avenged :D

After its been gobbled up

When its all been done

All that was left was a backbreaking ride to insti. Now thats the funda of "Broke Back Trip" ;) And that wasnt pretty so there aint no pics.

I must say the bakery was awesome. We had a couple of pastries each even after havin a huge lunch, the ice-cream and the fruit juice at Le Cafe.

We found out there are things in Pondy you can do apart from boozing and buyin DVDs after all. But Mahabs was slisha more fun and Moonrakers tilted the balance. The fort was pseudest of them all tho :D

*phew* ... thats a long post u've read.

A 'Call' Tale

2006-02-22T22:47:00.000-08:00

This is the story of L mama's lone call. I dont think writing about it will be fun. So I decided to make a cartoon strip :) And since I suck at drawing esp in MSPaint I decided to draw the "top view" with boxes and circles standing in for ppl.

So this is how it begins :)

1) Me gettin into the train (it was a chair car btw)

2) some 30 mins later...

Lets just say that I did a lot of leaning back on the trip :P and if not for my rotten luck I could have put some use to all those painful calculus courses I unwillingly did :(

3) Next mornin Im waiting with the guys for my GD and I notice everyone is carrying their admit card!! I wonder why and then I look at my call letter :)

Btw my group for the GD had 4 ppl (inc. me) from insti!! So it was like a gurunath fart session while waiting for GD :D

4) "The GD will be for 15 minutes. Please let it not degenerate into a fish market. Your time starts now", said the Fat Ass. And this is what happened. I say I was "thinking" for most of the time :P

And after the interview the CB's had the nerve to congratulate us and tell us that the GD was structured and progressed towards a defined goal!! I now realise I have 2 choices but I dont know whats worse - working with fart corporate bastards or becoming one of them :D

5) And this was the "gist" of my gist of an interview!!
I did one course in economics with malathy as the prof. As you can imagine I learnt nothing in that course but unfortunately still managed an A.
And as for 'Art Of Living', I cant tell HH Sri Sri Ravishankar from Osama :P

6) Of course my return journey. I got the ticket 5 mins before the train left the station but was stuck right behind a 5 year old with a sick american accent (she was "T"alkin to her mommy about her "T"ummy all the "T"ime) As you realise it was painful and everyone acted like it was cute!! Im not gonna waste my "T"ime drawin that pic.

So moral of the story is mug calculus before you get on a train but more importantly, sit in the right place even if it means displacing some lousy bastard who just wants to sleep!!

WhoGay ??!!!?!!!?!!!!

2006-01-20T07:33:00.000-08:00

Of late the sexiest thing in the wing is Bondy's arse (disputed only by Sassy). So who gets to spank it???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seems Sassy had the balls :D He got his nipples rubbed in return.

I donno who's happier?????!!!!

Disclaimer: Not to be read by kids.
If u have come till here and are a kid, dont tell your parents or ur net will be popped.

Slightly updated status check!!

2006-01-12T20:01:00.000-08:00

Jan 13, 2006

Got a job yday!!

Status Check

2006-01-05T11:06:00.000-08:00

Jan 7th, 2006

The calendar changed as I slept. Placements seem to have started. Not for me tho. And 4 days back I found that A, B n C have stuck to pickin studs. I have become "L mama".

Coming to my friends, "Super Admin" Bulb is gobbling up the IMDB 250 list. Mitra Thomas has learnt French. I prefer to use google translator. Bhaand has consented to be my course instructor for anti-hair loss strategies 101. Bondy has understood why Gigamess is called Himalaya. Helmet bought me mocktails for Mck. Torso couldnt make it to Mck. But he got to meet Rahman. The wing is still literally "job"less. And my bro still watches Animax (yucckkk).

Elsewhere in the world, people are still killing each other and BUSHmen are still ruling yankeeland. Australia are having South Africa for breakfast. Ganguly has become humble bcoz Chappel cant be fired. Laloo's wife has turned homemaker again. Mental illness has become the favourite subject of tam movies. And Amitabhs "guts" have put the brakes on Bollywood. The Pope finally died. Pakistan n Kashmir are still on the daily news. And seems they ran out of names for hurricanes and men in Iraq. Harry Potter was big news. But King Kong was bigger n got his gal too.

But u can take heart coz thers only 17 days to Saarang 2k6.

2005 is dead, long live 2006!!!

Notes from the simian world

2005-12-28T10:17:00.000-08:00

Long time no post. Of course I have an excuse.

Chimps cant type(*) damnit!!!

Read on to learn more..................

Me was s'posed to have vacations this last month so decided that I needed to do something new and outrageous. So me told the good folks at home that I was busy with my project n decided for want of a better thing to do, to become an ape. For a month. And that month ended just now.

Now that was not a very sensible thing to do but some lessons are learnt the hard way. Me still havent stopped searching for my tail for one. One month wasnt enough for me to learn if my tail was prehensile or not. Should've wikied before I turned ape I guess. Btw I just learnt that as far is science is concerned man is an ape too :P But seems the split between humans and the living apes happened between 15 and 40 million years back so we are excused :D

So what did I do? I tried keeping a journal but then just realised that an ape's fingers are for grasping branches not pencils. I also took time to come to terms with my new found nudity (er identity). Hence I was generally a lot more self-aware than my more permanent ape-mates.

One more thing I didnt know was that Chimps are found only in Africa. So a chimp roaming around in India for a month is a strange sight :D Seems the only ape (apart from Homo sapiens) found in India is the Hoolock Gibbon and it is found only on dizzying tree-tops. So for a temporary chimp its terrifying to go around with these arboreal apes.

And so I decided to go it alone. Unfortunately, before I could have a life, I was caught and examined by an overenthusiastic wildlife film-maker (yeah the kind who like to sit on crocodile jaws). And so was born the Chimpanzee Genome Project. The poor loafers came up with the conclusion that a chimp was 98.5% human after analysing me (who was genetically a human). I guess 100% would have roused the bigots so they settled for 98.5. I tried to tell them I was human but those guys gave me a stupid name and told the media I had a vocabulary of 400 words.

After a month's diet of exotic fruits I was getting tired of the damn cage and decided I needed an escape. Didnt wanna transmogrify back into myself in a 3 foot cage!! And so I turned open the latch and walked out and it was reported by some stupid channel that I had grown intelligent enough to open latches.

So the conclusion is - if you are human stay human. Unless you happen to have a vacation. Boy!! I did have a little more hair on my head as a chimp :P

*This topic is currently being researched. Read this book for more details :D

Starvin in IIT: Some food for thought

2005-12-10T02:26:00.000-08:00

Havent eaten decent grub since ive been home and thought i shud do sumthn abt it. Ergo this post!!

It seems to eat in the "winter" mess (just a couple of hostels away), u have to register at the CCW. Or so i was informed. Well im one of the lazy buggers who havent. So what does someone like me do? He could go like i did to that ex-nandhinee place (presently a s#$thole). Makes my stomach cringe, that place. Or he could have his 2-minute gooey (sorry maggi) noodles at gurunath delivered in 20 mins. Dhabba is an option at night but it sucks and my nostrils tell me sumthn has died there a week back. Of course u cud cross the great swamps at tharams and eat at the "andhra mess" (horrible grub) or risk ur life at the shady noodles shop down the road. And if ur dad owns a bank u cud order all the time and grow fat. Now u've got the picture. I guess the next time i go home (am a localite unfortunately without a vandi), im gonna eat enuff for 2 days and pack up some stuff just in case.

Every time i take a walk searchin for food, i get to take a look at that brand new monstrosity of a mess that they have aptly named "giga mess". Will be ready in time for the new year it seems. Very expensive construction and very far from most hostels. Designed like a resort in some tropical island, it will serve the same s$#t that we get in our very own hostel mess coz other caterers cant be "found". Of course, u have to walk the distance (250-1000m) to eat there. Wonder why they built the damn thing at all!!

Aaahh!! Theres bulb with those oranges he brought from home!! cya later.....

Bon Apetit!

Hows this for a SOP!!

2005-12-02T07:50:00.000-08:00

First let me say that THIS IS NOT MY CREATION :D.
Secondly, this was supposedly written by some guy who actually got an admit in that univ!!
Thirdly, all my posts aint gonna rock like this :(

*******************************************************

In order for the admissions staff of our college to get to know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the following question: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby d_, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.
While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

I am sure I can show you more of my skills if I reach there.

*******************************************************

Oh God! Give me another shot at it!!

2005-11-27T06:17:00.000-08:00

cycle # 1,308,738 aborted

*************** GodWare v 1.43****************

starting cycle # 1,308,739
reset time = 0; unit = year
reset subject memory
set objective = maintain contact with object till 09:00:00
simulating (time = 0; time++; time = 21)
stop simulation @ time = 21;
reset control to subject
switch mode to real life
recording (........start log

08:53:28 Subject buzzed on yahoo. Wakes up
08:54:02 Turns on monitor
08:54:18 Checks mail
08:54:42 Searches for watch
08:54:53 Gasps at the time
08:55:27 Puts on pants
08:55:44 Runs to exam
08:57:31 Subject enters contact zone
08:57:49 Object sights subject
08:57:55 Subject sights object and gasps again
08:58:14 Object initiates conversation

08:58:14 Begin voice recording

Object: I ... I ... I need you to do something.
Subject: Uh .. umm .. yeh .. yeah, sure.
Object: We have just about 3 hours to do it.
Subject (inception of hormonal changes): (:O)... Oh ... er ... What do I ... we have to do?
Object: We have to (......bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

08:59:01 Signal error
08:59:02 Audio signal lost
08:59:35 Signal found. Resuming voice recording.

Subject: I ... I cant. You see I ... uh ... have an exam at 9.00 and I'm already late. I have to go. Any other time and I would be your man.

08:59:42 Ending voice recording

08:59:45 Subject starts running to exam
09:00:05 Subject stumbles into exam hall. Finds it empty. Gasps again.
09:00:39 Meets Prof

09:00:47 Begin voice recording

Subject (panting): Sir, the exam ...
Prof: Are you in my course?
Subject: Yes, sir.
Prof: I told everyone in class. Exam is at 1.00pm. Its an M.Tech course.
Subject: (:O) ... oh

09:01:25 Ending voice recording

09:01:56 Runs back and reaches contact zone.
09:02:05 Sights object holding hands and walking away with third party.

subject failed to meet objective

09:02:10 Gasps again. Prays to God for another chance.

subject requesting retry
subject requesting retry
subject requesting retry
request granted
aborting cycle..........
cycle # 1,308,739 aborted

***********GodWare v 1.43*************

starting cycle # 1,308,740

Life after CAT

2005-11-22T08:54:00.000-08:00

Its all done. The bubbles have been darkened. The mocks have been mocked at. The "keys" dont match. The verdict is out. The studs are studs and there are no gate-crashers!! 19 forgettable Sundays have been consigned to history. Life has moved on to ..... hmm ..... end sems.

Lake OAT!!

2005-11-11T05:26:00.000-08:00

Click to enlarge :) ... Images courtesy rapdas

Weather Update -- 1830hrs Nov11, 2005

2005-11-11T04:56:00.000-08:00

Spot the depression(s)!!!

42 things to do when you should be muggin for CAT

2005-11-10T09:51:00.000-08:00

Why 42?
Well thats the ultimate answer to ......... refer Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy :D

And why CAT?
Havent figured that one yet!!!! ... But I think the answer lies in elimination.

Lets start off then.....Things you could emulate (not necessarily in the same order :D)

1. For one, posting arbitly tryin to fill up ur empty blog :P

2. Of course that entails readin arbit posts too :D

3. Put nite-outs readin novels from 1am when net doesnt work

4. Clean your room, which hasnt seen a broom since........???........

5. Crash for 14 hr days

6. When you aint crashin, ly down on the bed counting the number of insects swallowed by the lizard behind the tubelight :D

7. Go to Gurunath, spend 30 mins on a coffee

8. Before that spend an hour persuading all those lazy bastards in the wing to come with you!!

9. Go back to point #7 :D

10. Just in case you wake up early in the morning, go swimming. That'll freeze you up for the rest of the day!!

11. In case theres no power, play snake on ur 1100 till u r sure ur thumbs are twisted and u cant solve those CAT q's

12. Watch Dhoni beat the shit out of the Lankans

13. Then watch the pathetic Mr.Charu Sharma & Co. fillin in the time with Fourth Umpire :D

14. Dont miss the second innings!!!

15. How can I forget DC++ and all those movies!!

16. Use your T.I.M.E material as toilet paper

17. In case you find the quality below standard, donate the whole set to despo juniors who wanna mug an year in advance.

18. And if you are enterprising, you could sell it to a dumbfuck and treat yourself in Residency Towers :)

19. Read all those stupid chat transcripts in rediff about how to "bell the cat".

20. Think about Lehman Brothers and imagine how well you fit into their plans :P

21. Wait for the next cyclone and walk to the Gate (Mandak might be a better bet tho!!)

22. Go to app meetings and enjoy the ruckus (havent tried this one but ppl tell me its hilarious!!)

23. If you cant make it to these meets join an app mail group and watch junta screw each other (this i have done!!)

24. Nows the time to go to classes and make sure you dont put Ws

25. Read mails from Tam gumbal and if thats not nauseating enough, start contributing to it!!!!

26. Live next room to Torso and Bondy (no offence guys, i love it :D)

27. Mug for end-sems 2 weeks in advance (nice try, eh??)

28. Stare at that timeless wallpaper of Monica Belluci wearing..........uh umm.........

29. If your name is Torso go to Tarams*, suck up to Malathy for the reco you might not need, go back to point # 7, go to Shakti* (or Lakshmi*), go to Bulbs room and watch 100MB tam movies in quick succession, ask for a call taxi (Madhukar who else!!) and go to hot chips for a kaapi and get stuck in quicksand on the way back and if you still have time left, go to Nilambar's room (u r welcome!!) and park there :)

30. If your name is not Torso, go with him!!!!

31. Think about all those IITians in 7 IITs (placements havent begun) and are puttin despo for CAT. That should make you give up already!!!

32. Go to all the PPTs (Why??? ... coz nobody gonna pain you for crashing, there's atttendance for PPTs and there's grub!!)

33. Think about how an MBA after work-ex will add value :D

34. If you are a localite like me, go home and get your clothes washed for once!!!

35. If you aint a localite feel free to wash them yourself instead of giving it to the "Laaandrrreeee Peepaal" who keep "coming" all the time :))

36. If you are apping as well, try writing your SOP and then spread rumors about how low you are apping to RG junta and be at the receiving end of points #22 & #23!!!!!!

37. Open you smail account which has been lying idle for years and read all the spam mails about who lost his calc and which chooth freshie doesnt have a partner for ID assignment!!!

38. Reply to all those bastards who spammed you!!!

39. Go along with Thomas to learn French at Alliance Francaise (Have been invited to join him but havent gone yet coz I still havent exhausted all my options till point #38!!!!)

40.

41. Kill T.I.M.E trying to think what happened to point #40.

42. If you are still searching for an excuse..........Go do your BTP*!!!!!!!

So keep at it my merry men and jus dont forget to write those Mockcats every Sunday (oh!! theres just one left) to keep you occupied :)

*'s explained in the order of their appearance :D
1. Tarams --- Cheap Lounge in the swamps
2&3. Shakti & Lakshmi --- country wineshops
4. BTP --- B.Tech Term Project tho some say its plain B.Tech Project (if u r a final yr IITian and dint get that u r in deep shit!!!!!!)

Shantaram

2005-11-04T23:47:00.000-08:00

GDR aka Shantaram!!

Spoiler warning: Tresspassers cannot complain :D

Btw, this definitely aint a review!! This is at best a haphazard summary and I cant contemplate what it might be at its worst :P So ill leave the reviewing to the critics :)

Shantaram and an Australian convict. You must be thinking - Whats the connect??? In this case it’s one and the same guy!! An Aussie who can speak Hindi and Marathi. He lives in a Mumbai slum and sets up a clinic right there. He gets sucked up into the intricate plan of a desi Don Corleone who talks about God and the Big Bang and the ways of a "moral" don. “Do the wrong things for the right reasons”, he says. Suits me fine ;) I just got to find the reasons now.

He manages the black money, smuggling and passport forgery rackets of the most powerful don in town. He falls in love with a Swiss girl of whom he knows precious little, who he later realizes is as tough a survivor as he is. He saves a high society call gal by posing as an embassy official and turns her into a business woman. He saves a slum from cholera epidemic. Smokes opium in the dens of the standing babas who have taken a vow to always stand till they die!! He even goes through the cold turkey off heroin.

The most impressive thing is the kind of people he hangs out with. A local tout, a gay French conman, a journalist, the don, a Spanish killer, an Iranian mercenary, an Afghan exile, a German prostitute, a couple of Nigerians with a talent for making bodies disappear (which skill he uses to good effect). The list is simply endless. The irony is his friend’s mom names him - a hardened criminal - Shantaram, man of the god of peace!!

There is the danger of him being an unreliable narrator like the guy in the movie memento but I don’t think so. The book is a fictionalized version of his life but even if only half of what he wrote were true then he could be survivor of the century. Even writing the book wasn’t easy. He wrote it (it is a 1000 page behemoth) 3 times in prison coz it was trashed the first 2 times!!

He puts fundaes on everything from how to resist torture to emergency medical procedures to hand-to-hand street-fighting. There is of course his trip to Afghanistan to fight the Soviets alongside the mujahideen. There lots of comic moments including one in which he smuggles a bear out of Mumbai by disguising it as a huge Ganesha idol and publicly transporting it on a cart!! He finds time to get involved in Bollywood and learns how to bathe wearing over-underpants in a Marathi village!! This is Mumbai as it has never been seen before in fiction. Everything has a price and can be bought. There is sleaze everywhere and it starts right up there with politicians, film stars and dons in 5 star hotel suites. Ironically the only clean people are his friends in the slum who refuse to join him in his dirty work.

But on a more serious note, this book is all about giving oneself second, third, fourth and nth chances at life. It’s about forgiveness and friendship in a ruthless world. They do forsake him for their immediate benefits sometimes but they never let him so far off that he’ll die. His only motivation seems to be to redeem himself for every crime he has committed but his loyalty to his friends only makes him commit an increasing number of them. He gets bruised and battered and escapes through the skin of his teeth numerous times. And living in a dangerous world an increasing number of his friends keep dying out. He finds a father in the Don and is fiercely loyal to him. He goes to Afghanistan to fight his war.

Throughout the book the torture, the adventure, the trafficking, the killing, the sheer amounts of cash flow and the dirty life of Mumbai does make for engrossing reading. But what makes the book standout is how the guy presents his relationships to the people he loves or knows and how they change as he finds his place in their world. He is willing to die for others and he finds his friends willing to die for him. And he finds that money alone does not explain this fact. He learns there are no good people or bad people, just good deeds and bad deeds. This book is about the ultimate reality show, the toughest survivor challenge a man could come up against. Of course he makes a ton of money too :D

Shantaram – Interested in everything, committed to nothing. (not my original line :D)

So does he redeem himself? Find out for yourself. I finished it in 2 sittings, not bad for a thousand page adventure :) The author (Gregory David Roberts aka Shantaram) is living in Australia these days after going back and serving the remainder of his sentence. This book is currently a bestseller in Australia and India holding its own against Vikram Seth and Salman Rushdie and I can see why. He was an anarchist bank robber and a junkie after his divorce there early in life but that is the subject of another book!!

And for those of you who cant stand books theres Shantaram the movie coming out soon with Johnny Depp playing the lead. Check out this semi-review and interview with GDR. And also this article on the bad boy of fiction when he was in Mumbai at his favourite haunt.

Random notes........

2005-10-28T11:20:00.000-07:00

A long weekend approaches and the wing is nearly eerie in its silence. Home beckons. Std has flown. But bondy has to bear with a painful bus journey that hopefully wont end in the bottom of the cauvery :D Bondy is trudging all the way to kerala coz he aint able to play footer in insti!! Last i heard he was waiting for a bus at koyambedu today for 4 hours :D Looks like by tomorrow evening Sassy will be left alone, coz ill be gone and so will torso n bulb. By then, hopefully, we can close a deal trading him to another wing for the weekend and make some good money ;)

The rains are definitely the hot topic these days. Me donno abt ppl livin outside but in insti for once the profs livin at Lake View Road are also sufferin along with the usually battered Mandak guys. One guy being asked to vacate his room coz of rain asked the wardie, wat happened to the new drainage system. And poor wardie told him it was bringin water into mandak from elsewhere!!

I walked to the main gate yday in peak rain with bondy and guess wat - we earned 50 bucks for the trouble!! It was a note lyin on the ground but then i figured id lost more 50 rupee notes so wtf :D That was when we checked out Lake View Road and boy, the water was right into all those homes there!! Seems like they are shackin up in taramani house these days :)

Finally, i have to address another mystery - Where the f**k is Thomas??? ..... Thats what everyones been askin. And recently i happened to stumble on him on one of his fleetin visits to his room!! He's purportedly learning french at Alliance Francais. Thats the official story. But the inside line is the certified pervert wants to go to Paris next summer and what better to impress those french lolitas than sweet nothings in their own language ;) He's even invited me along. Not to Paris but to learn French :)) But then fat chance im gettin to Paris next summer so no point :D Forgot to mention that he ditched me and resigned as my swimming instructor!! But i aint givin up :D

So long then..............Happy Diwali all :)

Solitude of an invincible man!!!

2005-10-09T10:08:00.000-07:00

In response to the responses i got to my last post :)

2005-10-05T05:41:00.000-07:00

Well ppl, shaastra is here so i have a lil bit more breathing space.
My last post was universally condemned by my wing mates!! STD's reaction was immediate and caustic, results of which you can look up on the comments to my last post :) Torso made a decent bit of noise and bulb (thanx man) took it sportingly!! No one else, apart from bondy, read it. So peace :)
He predictably put a lot of senti about how i pained him and did bad pr and how i wasnt a friend n all. Well honestly i hope i have pacified him!!
There was this other incident where bondy claims i put senti about needing some "space" in my own life and how i was gettn pained coz of him!! Well so that formed the origin of the "give nilambar space" programme and he "imaginatively" calls me "space boy" :)) Dont take it literally tho coz he hasnt stopped coming down here to constrict me!!

That was a dismal post but i was sick so i hv an excuse :)
Me signing off on a lighter note tho.....

This one dont deserve a title

2005-09-24T00:41:00.001-07:00

This post is a "tribute" to my wingmates. Though not deserving a mention here, they get here precisely because there is nothin else for me to write about :(. Havent done anythn worth mentioning in the last few days so thought i might as well trash my wingmates!!

Lemme start out with Bulb. Comp stud. Thats about all that he is stud in. He doesnt know when to believe us, when we are making a fool of him. He doesn even know who is paining him when there are 4 guys in a room. You tell him all this and he'll say you are fooling him rite now!! Even yesterday, after havin a sip or 2 of beer our man tries to pain bondy. The more he tried acting sloshed the more ridiculous he looked. But try tellin that to him. Right now he's dreaming of being rich when GS will pay him some dough and of course his HTTA next year. A comp and broadband is all he needs. He probably has one of the highest up times in insti. He's nowhere near the innocent dumb chap he was in 1st year. These days he can manipulate insti's network and servers from right within!! You are not allowed to wear footwear into his room but one look will tell you that you'll get a disease named after you if you do. His room aint been cleaned for 1.5 years now!! and im thinking of started a "clean bulbs room" fund for you to contribute to!!
Torso. Overstating everything. When he was appointed volley cap'n we all wished he would be non-playin cap'n. But no, looks like this year too we'll be treated to a display of the strange stuff he does in the name of volley. Last time he had balls land on his head coz he couldnt finger them!! Theres no point of trying to explain his farting abilities here!! This guy is phenomenal. He can say about 15 different things to people in the same meeting and still get away with it. These days he shaves away furiously tryin to see if he can get some hair growing on his face but looks like the problem is further south ;)
Bondy. Fat B*****d. This guy can ooze with senti. Donno how he manages that. One of those navarch dual guys with no enthu in anythn. Of course he puts fight for footer and he is quite an amusing sight when in full flow!! He is infamous for being gay in all the wrong places in Chennai. Hope Reeba doesnt hear of it too soon!! He is planning to become "Main Core" of Shaastra next year, even thought you wont here him say it explicitly!! Between him and torso they can do 24 hr shifts of painin junta in the wing. He wont hesitate to throw you out of his room though, if you manage to pain him!! No one in the wing can stand up to him, primarily coz of his bulk. But he'll tell you its all muscle!! And yeah, Linux comps cup just at the sight of him!! (Ask bulb)
STD. Hope he's got his priorities right!! OR stud. CAT enthu. Nano-mechanics BTP.ISI intern. Auditing a math course. Wants to be Manager of Arsenal. The list goes on. One can only hope he manages to decide which ones he wants more than the others. He's got posters of the most gorgeous babes but put it on the wrong side of his room!! Has more exp in reinstalling windows than anyone else i know!! He is one of the babes of the wing and is also called azhagu!!
Sassy. This quiet guy beats std easily to be no. 1 babe of the wing. He wouldnt have trouble gettn laid at all if he wants to ;). This meta stud put nearly 2 papers w/o treating us. Right now he is jobless n reading wodehouse and learning tam!! He is also trying to be the next PM of India after attending some leadership summit in the US. Hope he didnt have to pay to be there!! S'posedly cashed during his intern in b'ore tho he doesnt quite talk about it. Lets hope he gets to MIT coz that means thadaal big treat are there :)
Thomas. Enigma. No one knows what he's thinking. Right now employed as my swimming instructor!! He wants to intern in airbus next year. Stops right in his tracks of he hears a plane going!! He's quite attached to insti and wans to do an MS after BTech. Stud piano player and stud in acads too. He's explored all the shady areas in insti. He should be asset in treasure hunt!! Got a lil bit preaching enthu sometime last year but now realises that it all falls on deaf ears. He does a load of other weird things and his being a bit meticulous gets to you sometime. Poor guy had the misfortune of being named "koodhi" thomas by the great PD himself in first year!!
Nana. The invisible man!! I nearly forgot to mention him. Donno where he is right now. There are guys in the wing who have never heard of him!! Elec stud and parks in Alak for most of the time i guess. He is a great cribber and it gets funny listenin to him go on :). Our man is blessed coz torso actually returned his 100 bucks in full after 1.5 years!! More about him if i manage to see him sometime soon!!
Approx. This chap aint in our wing (or even our hostel!!) but definitely spends more time here than Nana!! He'll be here during quiz time putting niteouts and starts to mug only around midnite when he cant put it off anymore!! Missed one quiz this time around coz he wasnt crashing in my room!! Finally got his comp after some maajar mishaps that he was really pissed about. Last I heard he's into Pearl Jam. Bought a 4.1 creative sound system and spends most of his time with it these days. Insti aquatics is raping him now. This guy put a bc in 1st year without even trying!! He is one guy bulb has decided definitely not to trust coz he cant make out when he's foolin him!! Sports enthu and unfortunately acads no enthu. Our man had to change his lifestyle after people outside the campus started commenting about his trips to the "far side of the wing"!!

Well people This is my f**ked up wing. If anyone has any dirt on any of the above miscreants feel free to comment :).

Travels In Hyper-reality: Search for the absolute fake - Umberto Eco

2005-09-19T01:45:00.000-07:00

Well people, This is about the last book that I read. I actually read the last 100 pages yesterday when i was supposed to have been muggin for op. man. exam, but what the heck!! This book is incredibly difficult to keep at because of the kind of content. I took 2 months to read the first 200 pages :). Its a collection of essays on varied themes. The major ones i'll discuss here.

A bit about the author. He is an Italian professor of semiotics (study of signs and symbols and how they affect mankind) whose most famous book is a novel called il noma della rosa (the name of the rose) which is all about medieval political and abbey life with a lot of murders and a smart detective thrown in. It was written around 1980. It can be called the mother of all books that define the da vinci code genre. It is probably one of the few modern mystery books which can be called literature.

But, In "travels in hyper-reality" he studies the world (1970s) as understood by its symbols. Lets see what we have here.

He starts off this section at an exhibition in the US about holographs "... holography could prosper only in America, a country obsessed with realism, where, if a reconstruction is to be credible, it must be absolutely iconic, a perfect likeness, a "real" copy of the reality being represented ...."

He talks about the escapism of the superhero culture inherent to America and exported elsewhere. He talks of an America where full-scale reproductions of anything are produced to the point of exacerbation. There are more wax museums in America than all the world put together. Las Vegas is obsessed with reproduced architecture trying to be real. Even Coca-Cola is "the real thing"!! Disneyland is one huge mass of fairytale fakes. At one point he says there are 7 wax versions of the Last Supper just from San Francisco and Los Angeles!! There is the Castle of Billionairre W R Hearst which is filled with "authentic" fakes of artifacts, called so because they have been made and bought in the same Italian village as the original works of medieval art were. The insane abundance (not my words!) of such artifacts makes the place unlivable. Even some of the stones in a path were plucked out of an ancient roadway just to create an authentic feel!!

This is what he says about the animatronic reproductions of wild animals in disneyland: "... Disneyland not only produces illusion, it also stimulates the desire for it: A real crocodile can be found in the zoo, and as a rule it is hiding or sleeping, but disneyland tells us that faked nature corresponds much more to our daydream demands. ... Disneyland tells us that technology can give us more reality than nature can. ..."

Now this book was published in the 1980s. Has the world changed? Yes, it has changed for the worse. Today we have no reservations in calling on-camera simulations - "reality shows". It is ironic that there is nothing farther from reality than a "reality show". Our appetite for the authentic real has not dimmed. Things like coffee or even pizzas - we want it "original" even if its Italian pizza made by a chef who is a palghat iyer!! We call it Italian coz may be the garnish is bought from Italy, who knows? If anything this predominant American culture of the "fake" is now exported to all the wide world, of course, with a "Made In Taiwan" label!!

There are essays on other things like impacts of communications, the return of the medieval ages and the nature of power and so on. There is also an interesting section about "spectator sports" like football which was quite funny to read. But I think ill stop here coz my head aches from all the thinking :)

Dont You Wish!!

2005-09-17T04:42:00.000-07:00

A New JEE And Possibly A New Saarang - To Be Or Not To Be

2005-09-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

Lathi charges in Delhi! Burnt effigies in Patna! Coaching lobbies instigating strikes! School kids losing sleep!
The new JEE has certainly aroused a lot of passions. Who is really affected? Did anyone really read the press release? Lets get the basics right. No changes in syllabus. That is a major relief right there. The Special Task Force chairman has said there doesnt have to be a change in the way people study. As for the no third attempt clause, I must say it was long overdue. A guy making a third attempt has prepared for no less than 5 years and honestly he can go waste his time somewhere else. I was astounded last year to talk to freshie who was older than me, that too when I was in 3rd year!! The only people who have a problem with this rule are the coaching institutes who lose out on a sizeable number of "not-up-to-the-mark- but-still-paying-the-moon" type of students. Honestly not being in IIT aint gonna kill anyone.
Finally the paper is going to be framed in such a way that if you are good enough you can crack it. You dont really have to slog for those years and get through JEE at an age when you should be getting married and probably be having kids!!
And to those school kids losing sleep - guys you never had it so peaceful, just an objective exam to write and dont worry, whats new for you is new for everyone!!
So honestly the IITs or the Govt. shouldnt succumb to the ABVP or the SFI who barely know what education is all about and just go ahead full steam.
So much for the JEE.
Lets move on to the only thing that can make gorgeous gals come to insti - Saarang. Profs (and a lot of students) think Saarang has become a sponsors and professional artists paradise. But I hope they dont forget we conduct close to 50 events apart from pro-shows and for a lot of people its not about the money or the pseudness. Its about having fun and winning something. I have seen people (friends, parents et al) who come all the way to this jungle just to see someone they know perform!!
And now Saarang itself is in jeopardy. Since im not making the decision on whether its gonna happen this time or not, I can afford to speculate!! A renaissance is already into operation, trying to reform the organisation of Saarang. The elections where held independently for both the cul-secs. The core selection wasnt left to the cul-secs and there was a "transparent" process in place. The coords were actually interviewed before being selected!! There are gonna be quite a few changes in Saarang if its gonna be held at all. So be in for a surprise!!
Lots of people have justifiable reason for thinking that lotsa shady stuff happens in IITM hostels. And ostensibly, reforming Saarang is somehow being connected to reforming hostel culture!! Though the opposite has been occuring in the last few months. Saarang structure is trying to become transparent while hostel culture has worsened!! Guess we gotta wait for another month before we can get to know if we can organise "the biggest cul-fest" in India this time around!!
Lets hope we have a reason to get those gals here in campus ;) After all its my final year and I gotta have some fun!!

p.s: The above post did become slisha serious types, but pls adjust and wait for the next one :)

Battle Royale - A Japanese Bloodbath

2005-09-10T06:33:00.000-07:00

Well I never expected my first movie review to review a japanese movie. But then here goes.
This movie will deafeningly introduce you to the gore of the japanese psyche. Their culture of anime (4 fps cartoons) filled with shady theories of honour and death which mostly involve suicide and supposedly painless death, really shows in this movie. Now lets see if u could've come up with something like this.
Put a bunch of 9th graders in an uninhabited island, about 50 of them totally and ask themm to play a game. They have 3 days. The aim is to escape alive out of the island. If you've read catch22 you'll know there's a catch!! Well they let only 1 person out. If there are more people left after 3 days all of them are killed.
Now the funda is, this game isnt conducted by some renegade terrorist but institutionalized by an act of their parliament.
Very very violent. People get killed faster than the bots in quake. And they've gotta kill their friends and lovers and so on. There's also a guy who's signed up for the fun of it!! Most people will find the movie utterly revolting. Sure they claim to show the inner beauty of human character its strengths and its weaknesses - if there is such a thing. But then this is totally absurd.
The suicidal tendencies of the japanese also get prominent attention. Those who dont wanna kill their friends are only too happy to kill themselves!! Of course not without persuading a few of their friends also to kill themselves. And once they acquire a taste for killing they manage to get ingenuous.
One does wonder what is the purpose of such a psychopathic movie. I mean if there ever was violence without a reason; this is it!! The old cowboy westerns just pale in comparison.
Donno about you but i've never seen so many teenagers get killed so fast in one movie.
Needless to say the movie was a hit and spawned a sequel!! The survivor of this movie becomes a terrorist and the Government sends in another bunch of 9th graders to catch and kill him. The thing I dont understand is the film-makers' fetish about 9th graders!!
I for one am definitely not checking out the sequel. I've had enough gore from this one to last a lifetime.
Sayonara then!!

Swimming In The Rain!!

2005-09-09T06:08:00.000-07:00

My college probably has the best swimming pool in this water-starved city of Chennai. Hey!! Dint I know that 3 years ago?! I actually did. I still cant explain why I went there only yesterday. Hell 400 bucks a sem is less than what I pay for drinking water!! But yeah the perpetual laziness that has come to shroud me, dint allow that to happen all these years.
But I finally went there and that is the triumph of human spirit. I did get laughed at by the 6 year old daughter of a bearded 1st year chem prof, but hey I survived. Yup it was in shallow (4ft) and yes my friend was my lifebuoy but I survived. Now another interesting thing is yesterday was my first time and it actually rained while I was out there!! Now how often does that happen in Chennai. First time in the pool and you have rain all over you.
Couldnt go today though coz of a thunderstorm and my instructor's (Thomas) absence. But dontyastart thinking im gonna let up. Im gonna cya there tomorrow.
Well i gotta rush coz my friend found a way to run MacOS-X in a windows comp!! ... Only Bulb could come up with that!!!
Later then my merry men :)

Hold On People!!

2005-09-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

I thought my first post should be something big, sophisticated and refined with all the pseudness that can be crammed into one webpage. In other words an Entree Grande.
But looks like thats gonna have to wait coz i have a stupid assignment to do. So im havin a subdued premiere.
So hold on, I'll be back!!